Do You Worry About What Others Think?
Summary: Athletes often feel pressure to prove themselves to coaches, teammates, parents, and fans, seeking validation from others. This focus on external approval can create tension, anxiety, and decreased performance. True mental strength comes from shifting focus inward—playing for yourself, valuing the process over results, and building self-respect.
Validation is something sought after by all athletes, no matter the sport.
Every athlete tries to prove their worth whether it is:
- To impress your coach
- Break into the starting lineup
- Show your teammates that you belong on the team
- Demonstrate to your team that you can contribute to the success of the team
You want that affirmation from others around you that you are a good at your sport.
You want to be recognized for your skills. You want prove that coach was right for selecting you for the team…
You want to prove you belong on the team… You want to show everyone that you deserve that varsity jacket…
You want to be validated and gain a sense of worth as an athlete.
WOW… that’s a lot of pressure!
And Why does this Search for Validation Create Pressure for Many Athletes?
The answer is that these types of validation are attempts to gain recognition from sources outside of you:
- Your coaches
- Your teammates
- Your opponents
- Your parents
- Your friends
- The press, etc.
The problem lies in that you cannot control what others think about you. Other people’s opinions could be biased. And you should not focus on what you think others think of you.
So, trying to gain approval or validation from those outside sources is a distraction and a source of pressure.
Trying to Get Something Outside your Control Creates Tension and Anxiety
Nonetheless, when some athletes don’t get that validation, they over-try or press when they compete, which causes performance levels to drop off significantly.
Professional athletes also fall into the “validation trap.”
For example, Gary Sanchez, catcher for the New York Yankees, is considered by many to be the future of the franchise.
In the 2016 season, Sanchez played 53 games, hit 20 home runs, batted .299 and was the runner-up in American League Rookie of the Year voting.
Fast forward to 2018, Sanchez has only hit 16 home runs, has a batting average of .180 and has allowed 13 passed balls in 85 games.
What is the difference between his level of play in those two seasons?
The Answer is his Mental Approach to the Game
This season, Sanchez is trying to prove that he belongs in the starting lineup, causing him to try too hard to crush the ball and press at the plate.
In 2016, Sanchez did not worry about results, things outside of his control or validation from others.
Sanchez merely focused on the things that brought him success throughout his years of playing ball.
SANCHEZ: “When I first got called up, I went oh-fer my first couple of games. I was feeling anxious because I wanted to get my first hit. And [then-manager Joe] Girardi came up to me and said, ‘Gary, take it easy. You’re going to be in the lineup every day. Just go out there and do what you would do in the minor leagues.’ That was the moment where I just felt the confidence to go out there and take some pressure off my shoulders and do what I needed to do.”
Instead of trying to impress or prove you belong, be selfish with your focus and take care of the task in front of you.
Focus on improving your game and stay focused on that process.
The only person you need to validate yourself is YOU!
Self-respect is stronger than other-respect.
How to Avoid the Validation Trap:
Play for yourself, not to make others happy or earn respect.
Think about the reasons you started your sport. What do you love about your sport?
While you may hear the opinions of others, you do not have to accept them as fact nor do you need to take on those opinions as your own.
Let go of mind reading into what others might think about your game. It doesn’t help you perform in competition.
Tips to Avoid Common Traps
1. Avoid the Validation Trap in Sports
Focus on your own performance rather than seeking approval from coaches, teammates, parents, or fans. Validation from others is outside your control and can create unnecessary pressure.
2. Play for Yourself, Not Others
Reconnect with the reasons you started playing your sport and what you love about it. Let intrinsic motivation guide your effort rather than external expectations.
3. Prioritize Process Over Results
Concentrate on the skills, habits, and techniques that lead to success instead of worrying about outcomes or recognition. Mastering the process improves consistency and performance.
4. Control Your Mindset, Not Others’ Opinions
Don’t try to anticipate or manage what others think about your performance. Overthinking others’ judgments leads to anxiety and decreases your ability to perform at your best.
5. Be Self-Validating
Build confidence from within by acknowledging your effort, growth, and accomplishments. Self-respect is more powerful and sustainable than seeking respect from others.
6. Reduce Pressure by Letting Go
Release the need to impress others. Focus solely on executing your tasks on the field, court, or rink. Letting go of external pressure allows you to perform more freely and effectively.
Related Sports Psychology Articles:
- What’s the Best Program for My Young Athlete?
- How to Perform in Clutch Game-Time Moments
- Helping Kids Experience The Benefits of Youth Sports
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FAQ: How to Avoid The Need For Social Approval
Q: What is the validation trap in sports?
A: The validation trap occurs when athletes focus too much on gaining approval or recognition from coaches, teammates, parents, or fans, which can create pressure and negatively affect performance.
Q: Why does seeking validation hurt athletic performance?
A: Focusing on others’ opinions can cause anxiety, over-trying, and tension. It distracts athletes from the process and leads to inconsistent or poor performance.
Q: How can athletes avoid the validation trap?
A: Athletes can avoid the validation trap by playing for themselves, focusing on the process, improving their skills, and valuing self-respect over external approval.
Q: How can focusing inward improve performance?
A: By concentrating on their own effort, preparation, and mindset, athletes can perform more consistently, build confidence, and reduce anxiety caused by external pressures.
Q: Can professional athletes fall into the validation trap?
A: Yes. Even professional athletes, like Gary Sanchez of the Yankees, have experienced performance drops when trying to prove themselves to others instead of focusing on their own game.
Q: What is the key to long-term success in sports regarding validation?
A: The key is self-validation—trusting your preparation, effort, and growth, rather than relying on others’ approval for confidence and motivation.
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Dr. Patrick Cohn is an expert mental performance coach who has helped athletes for over 30 years enhance their performance. Dr. Cohn earned a master’s degree in sports psychology from CSUF and a Ph.D. from the University of Virginia, specializing in Applied Sports Psychology.